When I think of the holidays, I don’t think of everything that can go wrong. I’m more optimistic than that. However, while reading Alex Bernstein’s new book, “Miserable Holiday Stories: 20 Festive Failures That Are Worse Than Yours,” it occurred to me that I’m pretty damn lucky! As far as disasters go, there have certainly been no crazy holiday disasters in my life (that I can recall!)
Alex has stories ranging from the silly to the downright horrific! After receiving the book, I followed up with him and told him that I loved it!! Then I thought that perhaps “loved” was the wrong word…as these stories must’ve happened to someone out there!? Some of the stories seem ready for a big-screen showdown featuring famous actors or actresses that we love to laugh at, but we hope deep down that whatever will never happen to us personally! Or anyone we know of, for that matter!
Thankfully, Alex was willing to answer my questions, and he shared that all of these stories were made up by him, so I didn’t need to worry after all! PHEW, holiday disasters sadness avoided, and now I could really enjoy the book!
Our Q&A session:
Were these stores that you came up with? Or did you request stories from around the nation?
These were all stories that I came up with. (Although I appreciate your thinking that they’re from around the nation!) I’ve been writing in one form or another for decades now, and I started seriously focusing on short stories during the ’90s when I was writing them as “gift” stories for people during the holidays. (Don’t worry, they got actual gifts, too.) After I started getting a bunch of these pieces published – or in the case of some of the short plays/sketch pieces produced – I started to collect them in volumes, and “miserable” seems to be a good, recurring theme.
How has COVID impacted your work or your lifestyle?
I have seen a whole lot more of my dog; I’ll tell you that. My dog is like the happiest dude in the world right now. I’ve been working from home for my day job in NYC for almost two years now, and when we start to go back in, he is going to crash and burn. Honestly, though, my family has been incredibly fortunate during COVID. We know several families who did not fare so well, and our hearts go out to everyone who has suffered.
In terms of writing, this era has certainly changed a lot of things in my life, given me a lot of time to think about what we’ve all been going through and hear countless stories from people. Some of them moving, some horrific, and some even humorous. (I know a lot of stand-up comics, and their POV of “humor as healing” is VERY important right now, I think.) Additionally, early on during COVID, I started an online writer’s workshop, Curtains on Fire, to help develop and promote the work of new playwrights, and that group has produced some outstanding work over the past two years. So, that’s been a real thrill.
Your books in the “Miserable” line include this book, “Miserable Holiday Stories,” “Miserable Love Stories,” and “Miserable Adventure Stories.” Will there be any future stories in the miserable series that we can look forward to?
Hopefully! If you like what you’re reading, tell all your friends to buy ten copies, and that should ensure more volumes! We have talked about additional volumes, though, including an expanded version of Miserable Adventure Stories – which hasn’t gotten the Skyhorse (my publisher) treatment yet; and a Miserable Ghost/Horror Stories edition or a Miserable Crime/Mystery Stories. A lot of people seem to want me to do a Miserable COVID-era Stories edition – but that area maybe a little too miserable, as is.
(I would LOVE a ghost/horror stories edition!!! This is me, Kelly, not Alex!) 🙂
How long does it take you from start to finish to complete one of your award-winning books?
Well, typically, a lot of these pieces percolate for years before we collect them. (Although each volume has several brand new pieces as well.) Once we pick a theme for the collection, a lot of the time goes into picking the best pieces for it and then a lot of heavy editing until we get it exactly where we want it. I kind of look at it like putting a concept album together where each of the stories are the cuts/songs on that album. So, you want to make sure there’s a good flow to the entire book, and it starts and ends on a particular note. Soup-to-nuts, once we pick the pieces, it’s about 6-12 months to put the whole together. (If I were writing all the pieces from scratch, it would probably add at least a couple years to that.)
Which story that is featured in “Miserable Holiday Stories,” is your favorite?
Wow. So many, and for lots of different reasons.
– “Blue Christmas,” the first story in the book, I think probably captures the bittersweet tone of the entire volume and a lot of the anxiety all different walks of life feel about the holidays. Also, I’ve seen Elvis impersonators and had to develop last-minute Christmas shows for large Jewish communities, so that one is certainly close to home.
– “The #$@!# Bicycle Boys” is probably the funniest piece in the book and the one I get the most requests on. It’s just pure silliness, and I love all the gadgets.
– I have major soft spots in my heart for “Balance,” “The Smoking Lounge,” “The K-Rope,” and many, many others.
– But “The 22” is probably my favorite story for all the wrong reasons. It’s definitely one of the most screwball dramas in the book. And I absolutely did know a guy who had no peripheral vision, which is what initially inspired that story.
What has been your favorite publication to date; along with your favorite award?
Please don’t make me choose! Well, Miserable Holiday Stories has won two awards this year, so that’s always nice. I can safely say that if you’re still up for a good dose of Misery, you can’t go wrong with either of the other two Miserable books. Miserable Love Stories is very much what it sounds like, and the stories in that one lean heavily towards heartfelt romantic failures and people making a tremendous amount of trouble for themselves. And it makes a great wedding gift!
Miserable Adventure Stories, on the other hand, is just plain goofy fun and weirdness – and includes aliens, Sherlock Holmes, Hamlet, The Marx Brothers, cowboys, Nixon, and a little girl who walks five miles through a blizzard to get a lunchbox, so how can you possibly go wrong? I also wrote a memoir about doing stand-up comedy in high school in the late ’70s in Cincinnati, called Plrknib. (Yes, that’s the correct title, sorry. Trust me; it actually means something.) It’s a true story that’s populated by all the real comics who were there at the time. And the book prompted a big reunion show a few years ago that you can see entirely online. So, that one also has a very warm place in my heart.
And there are NO bad awards!
I’m not going to lie:
I am definitely going to buy the other books in the miserable series so I can have a few good laughs! This particular Holiday Disasters series is the perfect gift for anyone on your list who has it all! I’m sure they don’t have any stories like that! Well, or any that they want to tell you about!
You can find your copy at all major bookstores. Plus, if you want to know more about Alex and what he’s up to, go and check him out on his blog, Prom On Mars! His book is also available from his publishing house, Skyhorse Publishing! BTW, this book is a multiple award winning book, especially in the humor category, so it’s a must-read!
This marks the third post this holiday season that I’ve offered you some gift ideas! You can check out an excellent idea for any kids you know here, as well as for any chocolate lovers here! I ran into actual work issues and missed my post yesterday! Apologies!!!
Let me know what you think! Have you read any of Alex Bernstein’s works!? Drop me a comment!
Love ya,
Kelly Ann
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