Suicide is not something you want to hear when you find out a loved one has passed away. I mean, you don’t want anyone you love to pass away in general – but, suicide?
It causes your mind to shoot off in a zillion directions – what, when, how, and WHY??? Why would so and so choose to end their own life?! Didn’t they know they were loved? Didn’t they have people to talk to? Why didn’t they call me?
The thing about suicide is that it doesn’t care who you are. Everyone can be susceptible to suicide. All it takes is one split-second decision to just end it all – without second-guessing and it’s done. No going back. Pm
I recently read a book, “The Suicide Club: What To Do When Someone You Love Chooses Death,” by Alexandra Wyman. Alexandra’s book details the process she went through after losing her husband to suicide. She talks about the steps she went through, the things no one wants to talk about when it’s not someone’s “time.”
How a person handles grief is totally separate from how another handles their grief. You might throw things against a wall, or sit in a ball and cry, or completely shut down and be mute for a week or month. There’s no telling how your grief will change you or when it will show up. Alexandra makes it a point to share that grief comes and goes – likely forever.
The biggest thing anyone can do to help others who may be contemplating suicide is to check in on them. Let them know you’re there – you are thinking about them – you are willing to talk and listen to their struggles – you don’t know how they’re feeling necessarily, but you want them to know they have other options. Maybe you’re close enough to someone to suggest different things for them to try – counseling, therapy, travel, acupuncture – who knows what might work for that person to stall their thoughts of ending it all? Who are you to judge that?
I have depression. Major depression – and anxiety as well. For me, it’s a combination of genetics and things that have happened in my life. I know myself well enough to reach out for help. Most recently, I gave birth to my third kiddo – Nora – my first girl – and she’s my sunshine right now! But, she was in the NICU (a story for another time) – and I was DEVASTATED! By the fourth day of our NICU stay, I called my doctor and explained the situation – and asked if we could increase the dosage of my depression medication – because what I was on – wasn’t doing it for what was going on in my life.
My doctor agreed and called the adjustment in. I picked up the new medication later that day, and I’ve been doing much better since. Depression isn’t going to magically disappear for me – but I can try to keep a handle on it. I’ve scared myself twice prior to medication adjustments in thinking about suicide – and how in those moments, I wanted to end it. The only “thing” that prevented me from harming myself was the thought of my children being without their mom.
I can’t stress it enough – keep in touch with your loved ones! You never know when the last time is that you will talk to them. It can come creeping up out of nowhere – and no matter how it happens, you won’t be prepared. The best you can hope for, is that you can handle it, and you don’t throw blame around. Blaming others will only hurt the relationship you have with them – which will likely ruin said relationship.
If you have any concerns or questions, ask them! Don’t keep them to yourself! Pick up a book, look up an article, search out options for things that could help you or your loved ones who are having a tough time. It certainly can’t hurt.
You can find more information about Alexandra’s book on her site, Forward to Joy, as well as additional information regarding her podcast (The Widow’s Club), a master class, and more! The Podcast can be found on Spotify and Apple podcasts. Alexandra can be found on IG (@forwardtojoy); FB (@alexandrawyman) & LinkedIn (Alexandra Wyman).
Another super helpful tip – call 988 if you are struggling!! It’s the National Lifeline for suicide & crisis assistance! Just dial 988 on any phone and you’ll be patched through to someone who can talk to you about whatever you need! It’s completely confidential!
Thank you to Alexandra for this amazing book that will help tons of people – and thank you to Lydia with Smith Publicity (@smithpublicity on IG!) for alerting me about the book in the first place. This is not my first book review – but it’s the first one I’ve done in quite some time. Drop your thoughts.
Love ya,
Kelly Ann
Email: kellyanngegg@gmail.com
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