Livinglovingandexploring!

I’m about to get a bit personal, so if you don’t want to know, please stop reading. My past isn’t all butterflies and perfection. There are people I know who think my life has been easy. Hell, I have family members who think my life is perfect and so easy compared to theirs.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. In this post, I’m speaking specifically about the relationship I was in before my marriage to Tyler. For those who aren’t aware, there’s only ever been one other guy aside from Tyler. I was HEAD OVER HEELS. I mean, from 17 years old to about 25.

He was my first love, right out of high school, sweetheart. In the beginning, everything was great. Just how a perfect relationship starts—date nights, fun, meeting each others’ friends, hanging out regularly, etc.

“just how a perfect relationship starts…”

Fast forward a year later, and we moved into a tiny studio apartment together. Life just fell completely apart. He changed, and I definitely changed. We were both so stubborn, though, and insisted we could make it work. We were so wrong. I wish we had known that we were wrong.

If he wasn’t chasing me, I was chasing him. If I wasn’t chasing him, he was chasing me. I pushed my family, friends, and associates away. I ran from everything except for him. Then I blamed it on him when, in reality, it was my fault for allowing him to treat me the way he treated me, and accepting it.

It’s NOT OK for anyone to tell you WHO to talk to or be friends with in your life. It’s NOT OK to be pushed around and slammed into walls to be kept from leaving! You should NEVER have anyone put their hands on you in a negative way. It’s unacceptable for the ones you love to mistreat you in ANY way!

Abuse is NOT OK. Mental, physical, whatever. It’s NOT.

If it’s not right for you, then walk. It took years of self-pity, hate, frustration, and so many other negative emotions before enough was finally enough. Have you ever been in that situation?

What’s funny about the whole thing is what ended us—another ultimatum. If I gave up my best friend, he’d stay and wouldn’t break up with me. I was already down to a handful of people I was “allowed” to talk to anyway, so I’m sure he figured, what’s one more? Well, I finally drew the line. I told him to forget it, and if that’s what he was going to do, then we were done.

He cried and begged. But not by saying nevermind on ditching my friend. So, I left and went to the movies with another one of my best girlfriends, who I remain close to this day! I’m happy I finally let him go. There were a few times after that we saw each other, of course. We were living together, so he would come by to pick up some of his things.

It broke my heart,

It broke my heart, but it was what needed to happen. I’m so fortunate that things didn’t get worse than they were. I’m so fortunate we weren’t that couple that gets married or has a kid to try to stay together. That never ends up working. At least not from what I’ve seen.

My point is, the past will always be there. It’s a constant reminder of what used to be, and what never will be. That’s not a bad thing, though. We all go through our ups and our downs. But, somehow, someway, we make it through to the other side. Certainly not unscathed, but alive, and ready to move forward.

Sometimes moving forward takes time, a LOT of time. But it does happen.

Now, flash forward, and I’ve been married to my best friend for six years, and we have two absolutely beautiful kids together! Not to mention a ton of pets as well, who are also our kids LOL.

I wanted to get this off my chest as I was listening to music today, and the song, “You Should Be Sad,” by Halsey, and I just had flashback after flashback regarding my past. I will always have moments like that, but fortunately, I’m in a much better place and so thankful.

Music is a passion of mine, and singing too.

It’s not all butterflies and rainbows now for me either, but I’m not abused, and THAT is better than I could’ve imagined at one point!

Thanks for stopping by! Let me know if you ever have to talk! I’m a fantastic listener if I do say so myself! And I do LOL! Also, I am SO MUCH happier now – check out this post about my kiddos 🙂

Love ya,

Kelly Ann